The insistent tapping at the keyboard, or the push of the sharp tip of a pencil is where I come from. They are the means in which I am created. Luckily I am deaf and free of a nervous system. I’m the bi product of a human’s desire to subject them to the freedom in portraying reality in words, as well as criticism of others. A human develops me, laughs at me, and cries on me (smudging me up and down, messing up my dew). The best of me comes from spontaneous moments of motivation behind an idea. For the most part I come from good energy, even if my subject is depressing. I come from reality and then become reality. Weird? No, that’s life. Oh, and I’m a paragraph who’s master has now fallen short of words. Goodbye!

 Students, professionals, or any driven, literate and conscious mind develop the content I’m trapped within. My aided realizations drive many to insanity, confusion, and unforgiving frustration in either the process of producing, or understanding. The other week my midsection blurred beyond recognition. Doctor Eraser deemed the process of recovery too much of a hassle, so nurse Trashcan pulled the plug. My newly reincarnated form undergoes rigorous examination, and I’m glad for it. The reason, I’ve realized my life depends on the reading and writing abilities of your species. The more you read, scrutinize, re-read, disassemble, and reassemble me; my existence reveals higher levels in value and recognition. Therefore, I survive for greater periods. Currently I’m reserved for the fittest writer to avoid any regression of my impressive speech within the process of reincarnation. Thanks for reading, and continue writing!

As a life form of which never fully develops, I perceive life as a constant mystery. Weather nature, politics, psychology, science, drugs, or even butt cracks influence my existence, my presence lacks completeness. I’ve learned what, how, when, why, and who slave over my entity through countless, and potentially endless homework assignments, business reports, and any substantial comprehensive writing. Yet my understanding of where I come from remains muddled. Yes, the scientists told me I result from the numerous firing neurons that allow for my scribbled, typed, or artistically accounted forms. Ultimately where do the ideas I present come from? Over the years I find myself re-living past thoughts from former writers, both reprimanded and praised. My history continuously repeats itself, but life mystifies my still, maybe even more so. I now recognize the infinite intricacies of connecting patterns and individual qualities between similar ideas. From these recovered, or uncovering mysteries, I arrive.

I arrive untamed. The energy put into me potentially caries the weight of an announced death in the family, or the father’s promotion to ownership of a corporate giant. Completely co-dependent on conscious readers, my popularity derails and enlightens my vulnerability. They kiss my letters with tender love and care, acknowledging my strength in character. Two pages later they slam upon my bound book home in violent rage. In the dark I lay smothered against a friend of mine, dust building between our silent unconsciousness. Ecstatic, a reader will frighteningly flip through my pages to find my passage. Our initial connection arouses a psychic energy between the reader’s eyes and my gracious forms. I glow in a covetous fashion, seeking desperately to gain the reader’s full awareness, and often times I succeed. Textbooks and owner’s manuals fail me nearly every time, or at least for half of the time a reader attempts to connect in such a formal state with me. However I spill my beans, the reciprocator eats them however he or she chooses, or not.

What’s in a mystery? Did the egg or the chicken come first? More importantly, will the attempt to solve a question as such benefit human existence or cause more harm to the world? I relate mystery to excitement, curiosity, and life’s offerings. Potential explanations of mysteries seem to me more like dead, dried roses than a dozen freshly cut and scented roses: lacking in full sensory experience. In holding on and claiming to fantasized realities, my awareness of present stimuli, the mysteries that captivate not aggravate, vanish. Objective sensory reality, while experienced subjectively, spotlights the unforgiving mysteries a subjective reality may ignore. Why hasn’t the human race discovered every disease’s cure, how to end poverty, and the reason life exists? Will the grand mystery ever reveal itself completely? Now on a roll, I might as well ask, who am I? For sanity’s sake, maybe the subjective understanding requires a form of objective approach.

Evolving human civilization relates directly to the harnessing of energy. As hunters and gatherers, humans first relied on diet to synthesize available kinetic energy aiding survival, the muscular thigh. Sorely injured and inefficient muscle power contributed to evolving human consciousness to seek and harness energy outside the physical body. Humans produced “energy tools,” providing more efficient hunting, fishing, and food transportation methods out of desire for a simpler lifestyle. Evolving production, family relations, politics, and economic situations, for thousands of years, primarily focused on furthering the advancement of energy power in the form of food, fossil, and organic material (Williams, James C., Ph.D.).

Harnessing energy laid the foundation and structural support necessary for the progression of human civilization. A common thread of energy production in the past, of which civilization feeds off today, constitutes production derived from earthly materials such as coal. Incidentally as humans branched outward from bodily energy resources, awareness of energy production’s potential harmful practices and fatalities on earth’s ecosystems sparked the human initiative to seek beyond confined and limited earthly resources. Presently, the global environmental crisis quenches a thirst for new opportunities in the field of renewable energies. Water catapulting re-hydration efforts, issues foundational energy research and technology into high demand (Williams, James C., Ph.D.).

Without water life terminates. Thankfully the earth utilizes a water cycle process to renew water for the distribution of reliable energy to life forms on earth, and possibly beyond, to flourish. Practiced observation of this phenomenon initiated the search for an understanding of water’s intricacies, which constituted a series of progressive steps in the engineering and harnessing of water’s potential energy production. Sensed through observation, the force water emits through light radiating breezes or flooding catastrophes on civilization’s structures, foreshadowed water’s potential upon early researchers.  Researchers today measure water as 800 times denser than air (“Renewable Energy”). Numbers or no numbers, human sensory and imaginary experience predicts water will go a long way.

Before the modern era, about two centuries before Christ, Europeans engineered a contraption known as the waterwheel to utilize the energy power of moving water (“Water energy generally”). The vertical waterwheel spread throughout Europe, and the Romans aggressively seized the contraption to provide advanced industrial practices. Thriving productivity rewarded human anatomy a well-deserved break in labor, and relocations to areas abundant in water resources ensued. Innovational thinking revitalized the western industrial technology once again in the Middle Ages when hydraulic engineers harnessed water energy via mills, dams, and canals. On a roll, utilization of water mills in hydroelectric dams and power plants further revolutionized the iron and cotton industries. These practices eventually took precedence among colonists in constructing the foundations of the United States civilization (Williams, James C., Ph.D.).

Throughout the Industrial Revolution, America nearly depended entirely on water energy resources for production (Williams, James C., Ph.D.). Why did society stray from renewable resources to power industry, uncomprehending the practicality and environmental benefits of further engineering water energy supply? Present day atmospheric properties squawk at human short sightedness, of which fostered the current energy crises. In hindsight, the situation sparked the inevitable tackle amongst modern civilization’s engineers and researchers on renewable energy’s innovational potential.

Currently, water supplies 25% of worldwide renewable energy, and continual reported growth in the field increases the percentage yearly. As the economy crashes, so does water fall. Simple and yielding, one of the most effective renewable energy contraptions involving water stands small in comparison to hydroelectric power plants, yet beats the primitive plants in terms of environmental stewardship. The practice, hydropower, utilizes falling water. Gravity deserves a round of applause here, as its force drives the falling water into a submerged turbine, of which spins, producing energy through an attached generator. Not only a non-pollutant, this advanced fraternal twin of the hydroelectric power plant needs not a dam or reservoir. Hydropower succeeds in utilizing smaller streams as well, and develops a less demanding system, resulting in high societal demands for such systems (“Renewable Energy>Water”). Further researchers plunged into the depths of water’s potential, and out came various and ever improving technologies to revolutionize renewable energy around the globe.

The life support and chemical substance, water, covers 71% of the Earth’s surface (“Water”). By shear numbers one can only guess the importance of water. A colonist crossing the Atlantic may have dreamed up our current situation, and possibly foresaw the eventual harnessing of ocean current to produce civilized energy production. Indeed, waves expectantly supply the most recent harnessing of water energy. The ‘Anaconda’ recently commercialized as the leading engineered wave powering apparatus. The snake’s essentials consist of a slithering rubber tube, tuned to the ocean’s wave currents. Similar to the idea of hydropower, the ‘Anaconda’ tubing connects to a turbine to generate electricity. Environmental sustainability in mind, the ‘Anaconda’ redeems ethical effectiveness as a non-invasive, non-pollutant, self-generating source of electricity off high wave activity coasts. 50 ‘Anacondas’ produce enough electricity to power 50,000 homes; so 1 ‘Anaconda’ powers 1,000 homes (“Anaconda harnesses wave power”). Impressive! Does the length of the ‘Anaconda’ effect the amount of harnessed waterpower? If so, and in light of civilization’s evolving “green identity,” stretch the beasts from the Brazilian coast to Africa and Argentina to Australia!

From ‘Anaconda’ to full spectrum light bulbs, renewable energy and accompanying “green” products and home solutions continually bombard modern culture and affairs. The “green revolution” sweeping civilizations worldwide creates sharing of ethical advancements, and unifies human potential at a time of uncertain crisis. Leaps and bounds in energy standards and efficiency remain hopeful. Jimmy Carter states,

Energy will be the immediate test of our ability to unite this nation, and it can also be the standard around which we rally. On the battlefield of energy we can win for our nation a new confidence, and we can seize control again of our common destiny (“Renewable Energy Quotes”).

Undoubtedly, water means energy, and as history reveals, energy means civilization. Civilization evolved to symbolize many outstandingly horrific and triumphant events. The science and technology civilization offers human survival take precedent in the modern age as the environmental stewardship reaps bountiful awards for future evolution. How long will environmental “green” efforts remain paramount to our survival? After reviewing arguments concerning the persuasion and dissuasion of announced global warming effects, is the scare a motivation falling to desirable profits for a renewable energy industry? It can’t hurt. Where do renewable energy, universal access to clean water, and the elimination of poverty, government corruption, war, and religion fall on the scale of importance for immediate action? Who decides? Time reveals the fate, or human destiny, and instills pressure for modern civilization’s progress. Contemplating water’s intricacies raises questions and theories, and a thought… The absence of boundaries on conscious human thought of related questions cradle human potential.

When I look into the veil of rippling waves, I imagine a world as infinite as our earthly inhabitance. Our world depends on the oceanic world for oxygen through phytoplanktons, and the oceanic world depends on us to limit the interference of this survival mechanism.

Of Nature to Inspire

The fundamentals of nature inspire the means of advancement in human consciousness to successfully imagine and implement direct manipulation of natural forces. Wind’s relationship with mankind is to produce desirable systems and aid in the comfort within survival. Past civilizations perceived wind as divine. Persistent worship of wind manifested observed properties, and introduced the engineering of utilitarian purposes directly influencing the natural phenomenon. As civilizations consciously improve mobility, communication, and natural observation, knowledgeable theories and practices regarding wind continue to sprout in the scientific research and personal recreational fields. The conception of wind, human subjectivity to lawful natural forces, and evolutionary human consciousness continually redefines society’s relationship with nature, and inevitably wind.

Ancient civilized Greeks, Japanese, Indians, Egyptians and numerous other geographic regions adopted wind’s universal influence in their divine, supernatural, and religious beliefs and worshipping. Wind was either classified in its divinity as a god, or situational as a gift from god. Glorifying the properties of wind to personify the divine lead to in depth observational studies. Ancient Persia harnessed wind power in windmills to grind grain, therefore allowing increased time spent in analysis for further improvements. As seen in ancient Egypt over 5,000 years ago, their understanding of wind’s influence on physical matter leant them a creative bent in utilizing wind for sailboat transportation on the Nile River. The employment of wind in engineering transportation has exponentially advanced to incorporate various motives of transportation. The properties of wind, as part of the natural order, inspire evolving creativity of human potential.

More recently, after thousands of years surviving, learning, expanding, and manipulating within the laws of nature, the conscious human can decode wind. Scientists discovered wind as the flow of air, and conclude two air masses of different densities form wind. Research shows that differential heating between the poles and the equator leads to various wind formations such as the jet stream, westerlies, polar easterlies, and the trade winds. The comprehensive attributes wind yields forgo modern research of fundamentals further understanding in the classification, measurement, as well as its implementation in serviceable, recreational, and environmental fields. The 1970s rolled in oil shortages that continue affecting modern civilization’s civilians and business. Nature, consisting of healing chemicals for the body, mind, and spirit, many now lost in knowledge, thankfully came to the rescue with wind power. Wind power and other natural phenomena shaping reality hit consciousness smack in the face, providing answers for problematic situations such as the current environmental and renewable energy crisis.

The power of human consciousness combined with the observed properties of wind creatively stem beyond what science and windmills offer. The understanding fulfills comfort these days through an advancing meteorology field. As a creature with a long history in the desire for adventure and recreation, wind is now chased after for thrills such as sailing, windsurfing, kite boarding, paragliding, hang gliding, and kite flying. Understanding wind’s past in conjunction with human civilization, what more can wind provide for the imagination, and potentially reality?

The Faulty Ideal

A free market sounds attractive. I suppose an array of reality attached to the word “free” is compelling enough to deceive these days. On the other hand, an unregulated free market makes a population of skins crawl. Why? To foreshadow, a classic definition of unregulated posits a situation, idea, or system not of subject to rule or discipline. If paired in context to an ideal free market, which by definition is the market economy free of government regulation and intervention, the title is redundant, and potential dangers rush to the mind. How will people be protected of fraud? There’s a minor regulation for that now. Ok, and as market failure occurs, who will remediate that? I suppose the government involved in oversight of such issues couldn’t hurt, but then is that really free? The vast distribution of wealth and personal interests weave together this complex market system that is wired for failure. The failure of this ideal market currently stares into our capitalist countries face. As capitalists, the majority remained caught in their personal agenda, a frenzy of material success, of which soon deems a waste for most as the crash of the economy looms ahead.

No worries though, because in recognizing the foundational failure of an unrealistic, unregulated free market and capitalistic society, the government shows up to solve the problem. Printing unavailable money to dig the selfish country further in debt sounds like a plan to congress. So, we begin the system all over again, unsettled and unstable, but with blind faith in the power of a provably inadequate system. The recent bailout had me in a rage. As an unregulated free market, it is not of interest for the government to intervene with the failure of businesses as the market demands. This defies the idea of an unregulated free market, and is ignored because of the capitalistic financial ties linking corporate America and America’s government. The failing businesses are meant to crash at this time, allowing for the development of new business. As our economic system requires a crash, we must listen and cope, because feeding the system into an increasingly unstable situation will cause future catastrophic economic events of greater intensity.

To remove the shortsighted nature of humans from our DNA should be a scientific funded venture in the human genome project. Naturally our brains are wired to fulfill survival needs; yet we underestimate our ability to systematize our actions through analytical processes influenced by foresight of potential consequence of action. Do corporations pay the government not to implement the extraordinary evolved capability of long-term systematizing, analyzing, and planning to influence current decisions? Or, do current government officials lack this ability, and find it distasteful to implement its potential to obstruct their personal agenda?

Buried Alive

I floated through existence wrapped in the womb of my thoughts and emotions. The days rolled in adventures, introducing new angles of the dramatic existence we waken and sleep of. It wasn’t long until I found myself buried alive by society, my family, god, and worse- myself. Judging by my hormones and the fact that all my close friends began developing breasts, my homosexual identity revealed itself to me by the 8^th grade. I froze in fear and uncertainty, which planted a seed capable of fostering anxious self-doubt. The seed grew to have a mind of its own. Do I look gay? What does my difference entail? How do I behave?

I realized then how shallow I acted, and how deep I reach. In search of my identity I mistakenly toasted to loneliness, grew tired of loud girls, and moved on to quiet girls who didn’t dare face reality without a joint or beer at hand. Sadness and destruction attracted me, so rebellion with mind-altering substances preoccupied my time while I continuously denied my “crime.” I defined the world as unkind. Deceiving lies fed my mind, and I settled to despise my family for not understanding or accepting homosexuality as an important factor of my essence- that of which I never revealed.

My parents ignorantly blind-sighted the possibility that one of their children would mature gay. They never mentioned homosexuality at home. I suspect the combination of my parent’s dedication to our church and the struggle therein of accepting the lifestyle society largely misrepresents caused their ignorance. I was supposed to just speak up? How? Who would care to understand? The idea to “walk out of the closet” laughed in my face, so I strangled my identity and pushed away family and friends. My heart and brain folded in on each other, arguing into a stalemate. My worn, numbed body, mind, and spirit mumbled their way through optional days, weeks, and months. I buried my identity, and pierced with the will to escape reality, my mind and body eventually and repeatedly attempted suicide.

My mind, unforgiving, strangled my heart many times. My feelings weighed me down with hopeless thoughts of a lonely, unknown life. I wouldn’t allow my face to resemble my drowning heart and construed thoughts, so my suicidal episodes escalated in misunderstanding and unpredictability. I felt I woke into a lie each day, while each night surmounted to choking cries on my bed. My mind lost in a fog, I routinely battered myself into obscurity. Desperation to understand my harsh reality surmounted to screaming into my pillow for god to change me. Smoking dope through the night to ease insomnia, suicidal poetry, sharp edges, blood, pills, and psych wards routinely left me torn and weak. God never showed up or spoke up.

Tired of lying and waking to the voice of a doctor demanding I swallow charcoal to survive, I ended the fight. Reality set in, as did family, friends, and a fulfilling future. I had played victim, so my predicament, tightly fastened to subjective feelings, left me trampled by the occurrences in life meant to take me along for a ride atop an evolved understanding. I straddled acceptance and love for others and myself, and rode off on an optimistic journey of self-discovery. I felt it necessary to digest god in the process, so I theorized a subjective understanding of religion. I believe world religions teach of a truth and light needed to overcome the wrongdoings in the world. I don’t believe one religion to be superior to another, because I find universal ideals shared amongst them. I neither accept nor deny a higher power, as such has never revealed proven to me. I am the creator of my reality, in which I embrace qualities such as acceptance, trust, love, respect, and grace. My ideal stands to treat existence and the forms therein as I’d like to be treated.

I’ve asked myself, am I gay? Yes. What does that mean to me? Everything is just how it’s supposed to be right now. Each step beyond this recognition, I’ve scooped heaps of dirt back into the burial site that once defined me. I’ve chosen to live exposed, continually falling in and out of love with reality. I’m committed to life, and have a long way to go.

Buried Alive

I floated through existence wrapped in the womb of my thoughts and emotions. The days rolled in adventures, introducing new angles of the dramatic existence we waken and sleep of. It wasn’t long until I found myself being buried alive by society, my family, god, and worse, myself. Completely aware of my homosexuality by 8^th grade, judging by my hormones and the fact that all my close friends were girls, I froze, afraid and unsure. Do I look gay? Can everyone tell I’m different? I’m different?

            I realized then how shallow I acted, and how deep I reach. I mistakenly toasted to loneliness, grew tired of loud girls, and moved on to quiet girls who drank and smoked pot regularly. That was attractive, and so was sadness. Rebellion with drugs, alcohol and cigarettes preoccupied my time while I continuously denied my “crime.”

            The possibility that one of my siblings or I would mature gay may have been ignorantly blind sighted by my parents. Homosexuality was never mentioned in our home, and I suspect it was the combination of my parent’s dedication to our church and the struggle therein of accepting the lifestyle society largely misrepresents. I was supposed to just speak up? How? Who would care to understand? The idea of possibly “coming out” laughed in my face, so I strangled my identity and pushed away my family and friends. My heart and brain folded in on each other, arguing into a stalemate. For weeks on end my worn, numbed body, mind, and spirit mumbled their way through the days. I silenced myself, and pierced with the will to forget beyond what drugs were helping escape my reality, my mind eventually and repeatedly attempted suicide.

The few times my heart sank lower than my mind, my feelings weighed me down with the hopeless thoughts of being unknown, and ultimately alone. I wouldn’t allow my face to resemble my drowning heart and construed thoughts, so my episodes were completely misunderstood and unpredictable. I felt I was waking into a lie each day, while each night surmounted to choking cries on my bed. My mind lost in a fog, I routinely battered myself into obscurity. Soon came screaming into my pillow for god to change me, getting high in the middle of the night, insomnia, suicidal poetry, sharp edges, blood, pills, and psych wards. God never showed up or spoke up.

I told myself the fight was over. Reality of life calls, as do family, friends, and a fulfilling future. My predicament tightly fastened to subjective feelings, as the victim, I laid trampled by the occurrences in life meant to take me along for the ride atop an evolved understanding.

Eventually, I digested god, and explored myself. My hormones couldn’t lie and I didn’t want to die, so I began understanding my identity. I asked myself, am I gay? Yes. What does that mean to me? Nothing is perfect, but everything is just how it’s supposed to be right now. Each step beyond this recognition, I’ve scooped heaps of dirt back into my burial site, living exposed and falling in and out of love with reality.

Where Emotions Run Dry

Men are filthy! As the only daughter in a family of three children, I of course was always the princess. I never shared a bathroom once I hit puberty, and everything was in order. I then spent a semester in a coed dorm room. If I’m bored I flirt, so I loved my living situation, until the second month passed and I consistently woke to a rising pile of pubic hairs on the bathtub’s edge- just next to my bar of soap. The first couple minutes of my morning shower were spent paralyzed with disgust, picking the brown, curly hairs from my soap bar. Quickly I became enraged as I worked out the built up soap under my fingernails, thrashing the remains into the drain. I swore every morning I’d send in a roommate complaint to my residence hall director. As a woman, my empathetic emotions told me otherwise. I couldn’t possibly reveal such horrific details about John! Now why can’t men curve their actions to imply a bit of underlying emotion? Respect isn’t a gender-biased word, is it?

Is there a way I can influence men to respond differently? It doesn’t seem plausible. Now out of college, I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years. If I leave him notes revealing understanding, compassionate feelings, I find them in the trash and am never warranted a response, not a thank you, or even better sex. A grunt would be sufficient. I just want to know I am needed, loved, and cared for. Again, I must keep in mind the limited vocabulary men reveal. In my attempt to communicate on his level, with emotions aside and in an upfront, direct manner, he sees right through me. Even worse, he distances himself and treats me like I know nothing, speak nonsense gibberish, and need a bath. My business lady aura is seen as threatening, and I enjoy being close to him, so I’ve chosen to stick to my emotional talk. Not a day goes by I don’t hypothesize, implement, and take back procedures put forth in my interactions with men.

With sex as the ruler of my boyfriend’s thinking processes, I’ve learned to twist my emotional words into a blunt revealing of my sex drive. So far I’ve succeeded every time in reeling him to bed when engaging in this twisted activity. The only problem I face in bed is his speedy interaction with foreplay. If I’m going to dedicate a portion of my day to sex, I want it passionate and lively, as all other portions of my day. To him, it’s about getting off, and in my eyes, getting it out of the way like it’s just another activity to check off his daily routine.